"Tour Votre Velo"
I did it, I sang "Ride Your Tricycle" in French. I think everyone was spellbound. I had a blast last night, despite the presence of black ice on the roads, which was responsible for the death of Metallica bassist Cliff Burton. At least that's what their bus driver claimed. James Hetfield wouldn't hear of it though, he told VH1 he was going to "end that guy."

I think he let him live after all.

The 10-Year Anniversary of The Doldrums and Sitcom-Core
I meant to make a big deal about it when the date rolled around, but I ended up completely forgetting about it. This past March 9th was the 10-year anniversary of the first Doldrums recordings, the humble beginning of Sitcom-Core and a specific brand of low-fi chaos.

Me and my new-ish friend Mike Markowski had been hanging for about six months at the time. We were both the punkiest punks who ever punked, complete with liberty spikes and mohawk, respectively. Both of us fancied ourselves to be kind of semi-outsiders from the punk scene; we both readily admitted that we enjoyed other kinds of music, and we didn't subsribe to a lot of "scene rules." (Which made us MORE punk, if you ask me). Ow!

The day was March 9, 1996. I had been listening to a lot of Daniel Johnston records, and I had recently introduced him to Mike. Long story short, we decided on this day to create low-fi recordings like Daniel's in mildly the same vein. I had amassed a lot of poems I'd written during a rough patch, and I brought them over to his his house, where in approximately 6-8 hours we hashed out songs such as, "Scott Baio is My Hero," "Waffle in My Closet," "The Green Giant is in Rehab," as well as a couple Daniel Johnston covers that were at best insulting. The songs at this point weren't mostly "sitcom-related," if you will.

We called the tape I'm Bored, I'm Lazy, I Like The Doldrums. There were around 20+ tunes, along with sample interludes, most of them taken from Sonic Youth's The Year Punk Broke movie. (Don't ask me why). The tape made it's way to our friends in Solon and Aurora, to mostly positive and confused reaction.

Late Spring/Summer of '96, enter our good friend Gary Schad (a real indie-rocker, not the kind you see today). He and I began to do songs in the same vein, originally with the intention of creating a separate project. We had 2-3 sessions of recordings with hysterical laughter, and pounded out numerous quality tunes such as "Kimmy Gibler," "Bob Hope Sells Me Dope," and "Vinnie Delpino." We then decided that all these recordings should be a designed effort as The Doldrums, all three of us being members. Along with a recording session that Mike and Gary did together, along with an old solo effort of mine, I selected songs from each of the tapes, and compiled them to create The Doldrums opus, 1996's Ruined by the Camera. Strangely enough, the three of us were the band, yet we had never all recorded together at the time.

We were favorites among our friends (and most importantly ourselves), but never really more than that. We never did play a show, and really never thought too realistically about it. I was the one who took ourselves the most seriously as band, and looking back, probably too seriously. As we entered 1997, I deemed it necessary that we make a follow up to Ruined, which admittedly was disastrous. The entire recordings are a session Gary and I did, stuff I did myself, and songs lifted from the original I'm Bored session. The songs didn't have the same reckless joy that they did before, and it just wasn't that fun in the end. The basically marked the end of the group, though I continued to beat a dead horse in my mind.

I was island-bound in Summer '97, and Mike and Gary moved to Columbus. They subsequently started a group known as The Pinheads, and made some great drunk recordings, more hi-fi and guitar-based. Another member, Brandt Gebhardt, participated on multiple recording sessions. The Doldrums did reconvene for a couple ill-advised recording sessions on my trips back home in '98 and '99, which I take complete blame for instigating. There were some good songs created, but the spirit wasn't there. After my move back to the area in '01, The Doldrums got back together one last time, with Mike's 4-track, and made about 8 killer songs. I knew that was the end for certain, but it allowed me to put to rest a demon of sorts. I just wanted us to all have fun together recording for one last time, and we did. I had been already doing tapes as The Electric Grandmother, and I combined some songs I did with that session we did to make our last "album," if you will.

Here is the complete, and definitely out of print, Doldrums discography:

1996 – I'm Bored, I'm Lazy, and I Like The Doldrums (Me and Mike only)

1996 – Ruined by the Camera

1997- Government Music

1998 – The Return of Pete! EP (6-song hardcore punk session; I fought Mike on the title, but he insisted)

1999 – Chris Church: The Colossus

2001 – Marry Me (Doldrums/EG split)

I would love to at least get the songs digitally transferred, if for no other reason for preservation. The Pinheads made "albums" as well; I just don't have the energy to think of their names right now.

It wasn't always called "Sitcom-Core" until recently; I made that crap up about 4 years ago for The Electric Grandmother, and by God, it's stuck. It's now not just a musical sub-genre, but it's a philosophy…seriously, ask anyone. Though I've run with this thing personally, it probably would not have existed without Mike and Gary.

Sunrise, sunset…

I still have regular phone conversations with Mike about every 2-3 weeks. He's recently started a frightening horror-movie musical home project with our friend Darren Kaplan; but don't call it "Horror-Core." (That is a real sub-genre, by the way). I've hadn't had any communication with Gary for about 3? years, which my wife (only half) jokingly is glad for, because she claims that when he and I got together, we were the two most obnoxious people on Earth. That's kinda neat.

Even though I've had success as The Electric Grandmother (not to mention an Upchuck Berry pit stop), and I feel that my song writing has greatly improved since the Doldrums days, I still think the sessions for Ruined is some of the best stuff I've ever been a part of. No matter what I've done since that time, I've never laughed so hard while doing music than when I did then.

Here's to The Doldrums.

EG

Trying to touch the drummer from The Jets
When I was about, oh, let's say 7 years old (this would make it 1985), I went to my friend Gavin's house to discover they were playing basketball with the drummer from the 80's supergroup The Jets.

For those a bit too young, The Jets ruled the Universe. Actually, they are best know for doing Nancy Reagan-esque anti-drug commercials, and I'm pretty sure they did the song "Crush on You." It doesn't matter...

Anyway, I ran home to tell my older sister, who didn't care that much. So I immediately ran back to Gavin's house.

If you're wondering how the hell this was happening, I'll tell you. The Jets were in town (Cleveland), and trying to be scarce. They just happened to be staying next door to Gavin's, renting a vacant house in an average suburban neighborhood. The drummer happened to venture next door, introduced himself, and the rest is basketball.

The drummer was a big surf-tan dynamo, strutting around in all his glory. He seemed very friendly, answering everyone's questions as they played. Answering questions with such answers as, "Yeah, my hair is a little longer in videos," and what not. I remember I was trying to muster up the nerve to sing a few bars from, "Be Smart, Don't Start" (don't ask) to impress him, but I just couldn't do it.

The next best thing would be to try to touch him, so my plan was to "accidentally" brush my arm against his. I tried moving towards him in every which way. I never got close enough, physically or spiritually. I'm not sure what else happened that afternoon, but I remember being so star-struck, and I wanted to hold his essence so badly. Gavin ended up briefly playing semi-pro tennis.

This is when I almost touched the drummer from The Jets. It was a subject of an old song of mine.

EG

Secret MySpace Party
Been one year since I joined MySpace. Change the world, my friends.

WKRP
Northside Tavern in Cincinnati with INS on the 4th. Gonna be sweetness! If you're in the area, come say hello, possibly for the 1st time?

E-Gee

Lab X Records - Dayton - April 7th Lineup Set
Hey gang, the final lineup for the (Dayton - 4/7) Lab X Records showcase is set.

It'll mark the DVD release for Dayton's Oxymoronatron, along with CD releases by Columbus's Junior High Mustache and Dayton's My Latex Brain. Not to mention, the official pee-release of Pee Sells...But Who's Buying? from Me.

It'll be Friday, April 7th, at Elbo's in Dayton.

www.elbosthebar.com

www.labxrecords.com

Hope to see the locals there, and I hope some out-of's can make the trip!!!

Love always,

EG

Whoot, there it is
Hey gang, it's January 28th, hope you're enjoying the flashy logo and everything. Sorry this log has been more impotent than the MySpace one. Impotent, but not more important. So, feast your pupils on the shows coming up, it's a non-stop party going on!

Love,
EG

Spanks!
Whoo! Crazy run at the Tree Bar! Owww!!! What a chaotic finish too, if you saw it.

Thanks to the venue: Andyman's Treehouse, Quinn Fallon, Duff, Joe Peppercorn

Performers (order of appearance): Oxymoronatron, Ocean Ghosts, Zachery Allan Starkey, Marvin the Robot, Andrew Graham, Vaudeville, Johnny La Rock & Mush Mouth, Fat Girls By the Snack Table, Trapper John, Debaser, more Fat Girls and J Rhodes on his own. Thanks also to Joseph Miller...where's my check?!

Thank you to all who came out, it was a wet and wild month. Many of you know I'm gonna take 2-3 months off from performing, to write new stuff and fuel up. In the coming year I will hopefully be doing some regional touring, so yeah...in the meantime, I will see you around town!!!

Love,
EG

XXX << Lab Sex >> XXX
The rumors (that you've never heard) are true; I've been added to the lineup of Lab X Records out of Dayton.

Thanks to Robot X5, Oxymoronatron, and most of all, YOU. Yes...YOU. Sex with YOU. SEX SEX SEX!!!

SEX!!!

www.labxrecords.com

R.I.P. UDO


R.I .P. UDO

The rumors are true, the UDO (spinning light thing) was destroyed last night at Andyman's, but it went out in true rock and roll glory.

During "Watching the Cosby Show," Joe Peppercorn (Whiles Frontman/Door Guy) and I were wrestling aroung, fueled by our rage for the Cos', and fell on top of a chair and then on top of the UDO, crushing it under our weight. Mary Alice screamed, and Bryan from Debaser said "Oh Shit!" or something like that. It was really sad, the damn thing was twitching on the ground, almost humping it in it's final seconds of existence.

There was a major upside; everyone who was there said it looked fucking awesome when it happened. It felt fucking awesome too, and much less expensive and cliche than smashing a guitar. I am bummed though, we have had that thing from the beginning. We do plan to get a new one or a facsimile thereof, hopefully before next Tuesday's finale bash.

R.I.P. UDO

"That horrible act..."
Funny story of what happened an a hour ago...

For those who don't know, my "job" is guarding the art gallery on the OSU campus, sharing shifts with other GUARDZ, etc.

Flash back to Monday, when myself and a few others signed a birthday card, many signed who didn't know the dude, just for fun. I wrote this long, heartfelt, personal message, and signed it "Electric Grandmother."

Back to this Wednesday morning; the guy, who I had just met minutes prior, went upstairs in the Art Department and came back down to the gallery with his card. (He knew the two other dudes in the gallery, and he'd just met me).

"Electric Grandmother?" he says. "Isn't that that one horrible solo act?"

I grinned, as my two gallery buddies gasped.

"Really, you don't like him?" I say.

He turns to me to tell me his thoughts on the matter, and almost instantaneously: "That's you, isn't it..."

I can deal with this. I know that for every 10 people who love what I do, there's one who thinks I'm a total fuckface. I know that especially with the kind of act I do, this is inevitable. (All things considered, that's not a bad ration, and I love you all for it). It was his odd back pedaling that kind of got to me...

"Yeah, I saw you at the High Five. What's the matter with you?"

I'm still laughing at this point, and my gallery buddy Andrew Graham (who's a really talented musician, who I had scheduled at Andyman's initially; I found out he's only 19 the other day, so unforunately he can't do it now), told him that he was being really uncool. I understood though; he got busted, and he was trying to balance both not offending me and standing by what he couldn't erase.

I actually felt bad for the dude at first, it's kind of a fucked up situation. He was just speaking his mind, and he had no idea the subject of his criticism was standing right in front of him. And I can take it; I like to think I'm kind of still a bit old school that way, and that it's fine to call out what you don't like.

It got weird. My two buddies left for the day minutes later, and the dude was outside on the phone. He came back in after his call, apparently to continue to apologize in his own weird way.

"So yeah, what did you think was so horrible?" I honestly ask.

"I dunno," he replies, "It was just weird. I felt like I was on an acid trip. You have all those songs about kids' shows, and, I dunno. I though you were kind of 'trying' to be horrible, ya know?"

I'm confused, but I know what he means. Obviously, most artists aren't trying to be "horrible," even if their act is designed to piss you off. In an artists' mind, what they're doing is valid in their own right. (Did I mention I was an artist?) So yes, my act is a bit absurd and uncoventional, and it's supposed to be. I can only assume this is what he meant. But, the way he phrased it kind of bothered me.

At the time, in my confusion, I just kept asking, "Well, fine, what was so horrible?"

He's trying, but moments later: "Um, I can see you're upset. I'm just going to leave now." Ane he quickly fled the scene.

Like I said, I understand that some people don't like me. It was just kind of intense to see it on display right in front of you. At the same time, that poor bastard!

I only have one thing to say to him in retrospect: Is your sticker on Gretchen Tepper's guitar???!!! Don't think so pal!!!

Love,

EG

Grandma Sex
Perhaps this is the new beginning of the Poop Log...a new era.

So someone keeps hitting my page doing a search for "Grandma Sex." Well it's here, but maybe not exactly in the way you were looking for. The sex I offer is more conceptual, more intrinsic, and is more about tingling your inner loins than your...well, I'm gonna go out on a limb, and just assume that it's a man doing these searches. So you know what I'm saying. There is definitely "Grandma Sex" here; but it will take some searching for you to fully understand it.

Grandma...

SEX

Wow
It's amazing how fast a month goes by when you're not keeping a journal, or poop log, as the case may be.

Holy Shit!
I was just looking at old entries; I used to write a lot! It's just so goddamn time consuming though. I'd rather waste time surfing the same three sites I go to.

C'mon baby, you can do it...write...people care...a WHOLE lot!

Corporate Logs Still Suck
It sure does...what you have to realize is that I'm lazy. I looked at Le Tigre's tour diaries recently, and they're not so lazy. Even if they're touring with Beck, who is a Scientologist now. Guess he has been for a while now. Dumbass.

I've got some exciting shows coming up, hope to see some of you around the ol' town. Yep.

Hey, I feel kind of inspired right now! That always happens when I read somebody's blog/diary etc. After I read Ben Weasel's Punk is a Four Letter Word collection of essays, I wrote like a motherfucker.

Also, my friends Fat Girls by the Snack Table, they religiously keep a hilarious diary of random chaos. You should check it out, it's way better than this "once every two months if you're lucky" bullshit.

Peace in the middle east.